Well I'm not stuck in that old love rut anymore.. but i am stuck in a new one..
i thought you and i would lead to something, but it didnt, i had a feeling it wouldn't.
i don't know why i waited for you when i already knew that you werent going to pick me.
i guess i felt like you were going to choose me since you said that there was a chance... but i guess not.
but, at the end of the day we're still friends, and thats good..
i wish it was more, but its only a wish..
and all our secrets are kept in a vault of the heart.
never to be opened for anyone except only to you or me.
cause if it did get opened, things would be shitt.
it's better like this.
i did this to myself...once again.
Now I get jealous everytime i see you with her. but I just have to deal with it.
i told you i was happy for you, but whatever.
but when i was with you, ive learned to let out how i really feel.
how to be honest and how being honest can make manyy things go smooother.
but being with you also taught me how to lie a lot..
both good and bad.
it was great. the time we had together.
gave me new experiences.
i had fun. you had fun.
i almost lost it to you.
hah.
FRIDAY: DECEMBER 18 2009
geraldines was legit.
got slightly buzzed.
tried a ciggg. tried weed. with a beer in my hand.
got a drummer's number. (going out on a date with him tmrw)
made out with a navajo.
..and he's says i changed after we were "over."
i would have pobably done those things anyways.
but truth is..i did those things to try and get his attention.
no luck, but i knew it wouldn't. hah pathetic old me.
no i guess i look like a sleeze.
probably to his friends because they knew some stuff about us.
hah. i guess i am a sleeze.
SLEEEEZEEEE1
SATURDAY: DECEMBER 19 2009
i had a ittle bbq that hoope was gonna have a lot of people, but i knew wasnt.
and it wasnt.
but i was fine with the amount of people who came. it was very chilll.
...it was cute how you were being cute to her.
i was made jealous and couldnt stand it anymore when we were watching the movie.
so i went outside and stayed there till the movie was over.
then she and some friends slept over. you didnt know that while you were texting her,
we were the one answering back,
and we read everything.
i got jealous when you asked her to disneyland,
because i had hope that were gonna go together when we had our "time" together.
why do i always give myself false hope?
but im dealing with it.
i was the one who said to you that i would be okay with who ever you chose.
so now i have to be okay with it.
CHristmas is coming around the corner, and i hope things are going to be fun.
senior year. senior year...
its half way through senior year..
