Terrible Freedom

So I've been trying to get over *SKEEZZ for some time now cause he was, i guess, a guy that i found out i actually had real feelings for..since my first boyfriend. he knew that i liked him..but i knew that he like this other girl..i set myself up for it. but i didnt think i was gonna actually have feelings for the guy i mean we were and still are close friends..and that week just kinda changed it for a bit..but it's not like that anymore.
i've been hooking up with *BRAVERY at parties..i know it sounds completely wrong as fuck, i think i did it to get his attention which was stupid as fuck. I never did anyhting with the guy though..just made out..got a little touchy touchy but whatevers..we were both tipsy.
why am i wasting all my time on this one guy..i keep giving myself false hope, that he may be interested in me.. but i know he wants her. he says he's confused and lost, but haha i know i got nothing. haha oh man how pathetic am i?? haha
i lost my vcard...on jan.17 on a bed at g'parents hizzle. it hurt..but the second time didnt. felt good. but im..just hoping my period comes soon...

so ive been out almost everyday since my moms been gone. hung out with the waterpolo girls all week. it was chill. went to top of the world and stuff, played taboo, watched movies, went to kickbacks and parties.
damn but at oscars i got really fucked up for like the first time ever. i dont remember much..but i knew i was throwing up like crazy. and got a nasty hangover..damn do not want to be like that again..

i feel like giving up..on life. seriously idk what to do overall liek college what would be my major? i have no clue what i want to be when i grow up..
love..what love. my love life is fucked. all im good for is hookups and friends with benefits.
idgaf. i guess whatever happens happens.

last night at becca and liz's bday kickback. got kinda super buzzed. got pissed cuz i saw them together..so then i went *bravery and then next thing i know everyone was pissed at something and i have no clue what the fuck is going on..
hahaha ohhh wellz they dont wanna tell me then whatever.