just to update..

i got a second job at hot topic. im nervous im going to mess up but fuck it. live and learn.


second...i really lost myself, maybe im just letting people's word get to me and change who i am..but i really dont know who i am or who i want to be anymore. i felt like i never knew..

First Day Of Work

so today was the first day of working at my job. it was pretty confusing at first. its hard for me to talk to customers who speak thai because i dont know the proper words and that right things to day..but i dont know how to in english too
but i just gotta keep pushing through and be confident that i can do this. this is a job that ANYONE can do. answer phones and use the computer. i just need to put in effort and work hard at it.
I also got a ticket for speeding today-_- my first traffic ticket..ontop of the other ticket i have already from the beach-_- ughhh sighhh. its gonna cost a lot. i need to stop being so reckless and lazy man..

I GOT A JOB!

finally. i call this the beginning of my life. or the start of my life at least. I finally get to make my own money. having a job makes me feel so grown up..i also learned how to do my laundry recently and im starting to clean my room more. it's like im starting to grow up little by little.
so i work at a thai travel agency as a receptionist i guess. and tmrw is orientation! im excited. ill be making $9/hr which is good considering minimum wage is 8 bucks. and ill be working from 8am-12pm. so lets see how this goes.
i really want a pair of doc martens so maybe ill save up for that :)
i really hope i can help out my parents by starting to take care of myself more and having MY OWN money to spend and not theirs. and i hope that let me out more too but that seems unlikely...
so this is the start of something new..lets see where the road takes me :)

i'm back again..

well let's see. whats new with me. nothing much really. college now. i really have no motivation for anything really..i dont know what i want to study or where i want to go in life, i feel like im just literally floating through life. i used to feel like i loved photography so much, but i havent played around with my camera in so long..i feel like i lost the passion for that. like there is no spark for me in anything right now. and i dont know why.
It's not like things are going bad, its just idk. i feel lost. people say im depressed or whatever and maybe i am..idk. i just feel not like myself. even when i hang out with my friends, my body is there but my mind isnt. when theyre talking i feel like i could care less. i dont feel like the energetic happy person i used to be..and i dont know why at all.
as for the whole boy and relationship thing..thats going no where..i started going to the gym yesterday and i'm just trying to keep that up..maybe if i look better and gain more confidence then things would change.
and ive been trying to find a job..hopefully i get one soon.